heartache is relief


I’ve attended plenty of weddings these past couple of years with my significant other. All weddings become so redundant. First the groomsman and brides enter a crowded room by dancing or some form of hip-shaking, attendees on their feet, start clapping and yell with delight as the night is about to begin for the newlywed; celebrating with family and friends as they forked over, at the least $18,000-$25,000 for a night of magical celebration.

I imagine the following day, the newlywed couple destress, looking back on the years they planned for that one special night, a night Nicholas Sparks has painted in every romantic movie from The Notebook to The Longest Ride and The Best of Me – although many of them end in tragedy. Don’t get me wrong, I cried my eyes out when I first watched The Notebook – a bottle of white wine accompanied my vulnerable emotions – since then it dawned on me the unrealistic view Hollywood paints these glamorous ideas of what “romance” should be in modern society. As I dissect the movie closer, I begin to wonder how romance and love are shaping our perception of modern relationships.

I always loved stories that deviate from the normal standards of expectation – having a bastard child, having children but not legally together according to church papers – hearing stories of unconventional relationships are refreshing, it creates a sense of normalcy.

There’s a segment in the wedding reception, Q&A are ask to guest who have survived 30+, 40+, 50+ years of marriage; a simplified question of, “what’s the secret to having everlasting love?” an internal response generates in my mind with an eye-roll. I know these ceremonies are suppose to lighten the struggles of a couple’s experiences throughout their evolving future, but give me a break! The most basic answers are given to the commentator – 50+ years of marriage, simplified in a single statement – “don’t go to bed angry” or “talk it out”. I think simplifying 50+ years of marriage into a tiny sentence does the newlywed a disservice, I mean, you were invited to share a special night, but also provide guidance and insight on how a marriage works given a half century of experience. Shame on you!

No matter how much guidance your friends or families give, at the end of it all, it’s a couple’s ultimate decision to either stride pass their point of contention or call it quits. My experience, if constantly arguing trumps decision and reason within the relationship, it’s time to reevaluate. I’m not saying end the relationship, but take a step back and observe, formulate a dialogue and present it to your significant other. I feel we’re all going through struggles and there are no simple and right answer, but creating an open dialogue is one key to having a prosperous relationship.



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